When Your Husband Won’t Spiritually Lead

Sipping over coffee and tea, it became obvious my friend wasn’t doing well.  Unhappy in her marriage, she no longer believed things would change.  She was losing hope, and wisely asked for prayer.

“I wish my husband would pray and read the Bible with me.” “I just want my husband to desire God as much as I do.”  Sadly, those are words I hear from many women in the church.  The heartache, the hurt and loneliness wives experience when they go it alone in spiritual growth, desiring to have their husbands grow and lead them spiritually.

Spiritual Intimacy

It stings. And rightly so, because God designed marriage not only for sexual intimacy but spiritual intimacy as well.  There is a sweet blending of souls when husbands and wives pursue Christ together.  (Genesis 2:24)

Charlie laughs when I tell him that I find him irrestibly attractive when he is leading me in prayer and God’s word.  But I seriously do!  And the same has been shared among other wives.  There is a deep satisfaction in being lead by a strong man of God.  (Ephesians 5:25-27)

Stay Hopeful

But what if your husband isn’t growing or leading you spiritually?  Do not lose hope friend!  Your God is able to do more than what you are currently praying for your husband. (Ephesians 3:20)

Consider the following to help you wait well and remain hopeful.

1. Pray. Take that heartache and give it to God in prayer. Surrender it.  Realize that you cannot make your husband desire God more.  Only the Lord can do that.  (Proverbs 21:1)
2. See that it is not all about him.   True to Romans 8:28, the Lord is working in your marriage to mature and develop your own faith and trust in Him.  The hard places put you face to face with what you truly believe about God’s goodness and love for you. You should be asking, “How can I glorify You God in my marriage?”
3. Dismantle the heart idol of an ideal marriage.  There is no perfect marriage because marriage consists of two sinful people.  As long as your heart desires the “picture perfect” marriage, you’ll always be discontent, not fully devoted to God. (Romans 3:10)
4. Put off nagging.   This is a big one.  Nag means to annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging. Does this sound like you?  Then let me lovingly say to you, S-T-O-P.  We cannot make our husbands do anything they want to do.  And even if the nagging does produce a result, it’s from aggravation, not from a Spirit-born desire. The change won’t last.  (Proverbs 21:9)
5. Put off complaining and comparing.   You are only dishonoring God and fueling discontentment. It’s telling God you know better.  It’s removing Him from His throne and placing you there instead.  Pride is sneaky. Watch out for it friend!
6. Put on praise.  Did you know that it is God’s will for you to praise Him in all things?  (1 Thess. 5:18)  So, replace complaining by nurturing gratitude.  When that negative thought sneaks in, replace it with something you are grateful for about your husband.  Fight back with praise!
7. Put on faithfulness to grow.  Don’t skip the Bible study or church because your husband isn’t interested.  Stay faithful to pursuing growth. It’s what keeps you fruitful and effective as a woman after God-helping you wait well and stay hopeful.  (2 Peter 1:5-8)

Hang in there friend.  Keep your eyes on Jesus. And believe God is working in both your husband’s heart and yours.  Trust His plan for your marriage.